The Sex Therapy Technique All My Clients Are Shocked By

By Hailey Rowe-Mabee LPC-MHSP, CST

Sit for a second and think of the one thing you’d expect a sex therapist to scoff at when it comes to couple’s sex life.

I bet some of you thought: scheduling sex. When couples say they schedule sex to me, it’s often accompanied by “Don’t judge us!” Or “I know we’re boring.” One of the funniest things about being a sex therapist is that people often assume this means I am always working with people to have sex all the time and spontaneously. This however, subscribes to outdated and untrue beliefs about couples and sex that as a sex therapist, we are always trying to break down.

When a couple tells me they schedule sex, I always respond “Good for you guys” because what that tells me is that this couple prioritizes sex within their relationship. They prioritize each other and don’t let small stumbling blocks get in the way. Scheduling sex often leads couples to having more frequent sex and more spontaneous sex because the barriers are taken down. In fact, I often say “sex begets sex” so by having it more, you’re having it more.

People will feel scared that by scheduling sex, they will lose fun, spontaneity, and even belief that their partner wants to have sex. I see couple’s expressions when I suggest it, raised eyebrows and disapproving looks. This often comes from couples married or together for less than a decade. They can’t fathom that sex would devolve into a calendar invite. But here’s the thing, if your partner is putting it on the calendar and you guys are doing it, you both want it! Quit feeling fearful of what people think. If you have a hard time prioritizing sex in your relationship, throw that shit on a calendar. Over time, this can build connection and stronger understanding of intimacy cues. You know what’s worse than having to schedule sex? Not having it!

By Laura Magliochetti, intern

There is a moment in group counseling—often unexpected—when you hear someone speak, and it feels like they’ve just put words to something you didn’t even know how to name inside yourself. And that’s where the magic begins.

Individual therapy offers a deeply personal and focused space, but group counseling introduces something different—something that cannot be replicated one-on-one. It invites you to step outside of yourself, even just for a moment, and hear the stories other people are living. And in doing so, something begins to shift.

But that shift doesn’t happen without risk.

Connection requires something most of us have learned to protect ourselves from: vulnerability. And vulnerability is not gentle at first. It can feel exposed and even unsafe. In many ways, vulnerability is the wrecking ball for the walls we’ve spent years carefully building—walls that kept us protected, but also kept us feeling isolated.

Walking into a group setting means stepping into that tension. You are not just sitting with your own thoughts—you are sitting in a space where you might be seen. Where you might choose, at some point, to let yourself be known.

At first, that can feel overwhelming. The instinct is often to stay guarded, to observe, to share just enough to remain safe. And that is part of the process. Safety in group therapy is not forced—it is built, slowly, through consistency, respect, and the quiet realization that the room can hold what you bring into it.

Then something begins to happen.

Someone takes a risk. They say the thing that feels a little too honest, a little too close to the surface. And instead of being judged or dismissed, they are met with understanding. With recognition. With care.

That moment matters.

Because when one person lowers their guard, even slightly, it gives permission for others to do the same. The room begins to shift from a collection of individuals into something more connected. The walls don’t come down all at once—but cracks begin to form. Light gets in.

This is where group counseling becomes uniquely powerful.

It is not just about talking. It is about witnessing and being witnessed in real time. It is about discovering that the parts of you you’ve worked hardest to hide are often the very parts that create connection. The shame, the fear, the uncertainty—when spoken out loud—tend to lose some of their power.

And in their place, something else begins to grow.

You start to see yourself differently, not just through your own internal lens, but through the responses of others. You begin to notice how naturally you offer compassion to someone else, and how unfamiliar it feels to offer that same compassion to yourself. But over time, that shift becomes possible.

Group counseling creates space for that kind of change.

You watch people take risks. You watch them soften. You watch them struggle, and then try again. And somewhere in that process, you realize that you are doing the same thing.

Connection, in this way, is not passive. It is built through small, courageous moments. Through choosing, again and again, to show up a little more honestly than feels comfortable.

Vulnerability may feel like a wrecking ball—but it is also what clears the space for something new to be built.

And in that space, healing doesn’t just happen within you—it happens between you and others.

Group counseling is not just about sharing your story. It is about discovering that your story has a place—and that you don’t have to carry it alone.